A Warped Dream
by XxZerohZeroh
Summary: A guy is taking a stroll through his school grounds when he is attacked by ninjas! But why is he suddenly in Wonderland? Wait whaaaaat! one-shot


DokiDoke

Fanfiction..?

I was walking quietly around the school building, taking in the scenery absentmindedly when some weird dude came at me screaming his head off with a knife pointed at me. Now normally when people see this, they get out of there. Fast. However I am not like those normal people. See I like to take pride in myself for being a master at Judo. So what do I do? I nail him in the stomach with my elbow, grab him by the arm, and grand slam him onto the ground! Oh the joys of being stronger than others, haha. The guy is knocked unconcious from my oh-so-awesome skills, so I take the time to crouch down and pick through his clothing to find some ID or something. What I find though, is a Asian scroll. I open it up and it has all these Asian lettering that I could never hope to understand. Don't get me wrong, I am so excited from finding this. Oh and just to be clear, I'm not racist about Asians, I am just very intrigued by them. They are so unique in what they do and it's fun to learn about their culture. But anyways, back to where I was. I pulled out my phone and snapped a couple pictures of the scroll before rolling it back up and tucking it back into place in the man's clothes. I was getting up from my squat position when something whizzed past my face and struck the wall behind me. I froze, my eyes were wide-eyed and my mouth was twitching upwards. I slowly turned around and a freakin' shuriken, you know like the ones from Naruto or something, planted like an inch deep into the wall. My mouth is now hanging wide open and no matter how hard I try, I can't close it. Then something lands behind me that causes me to almost jump out of my skin and scream like a little girl. Quite unmanly of me isn't it? Sigh.. But back to the point! I stood my ground for a good seven seconds before manning up and turning around to face my enemies. But what do I see? There is a fluffy little fuzzball thingy staring at me with these adorable milky chocolate eyes that sparkle when the light caught them. I practically turned into a puddle from it's cuteness. However.. The cute fuzzball didn't stat cute for very long because when I went to pick it up.. It suddenly turned into this really ugly and bony imp thingy. It's skin was this really unsightly purple that looked like slime, it's eyes were tiny and shrewd with blood red slits. Boney wings so thing you could see the veins in it, and claws that made me picture a Sweavile from Pokemon slashing at me. I shudder at the thought, but that's the least of my worries right now. The thing in front of me looks really, really mad. Maybe if I put it down and walk away very, very casually, it will thing that I am a lesser being and leave me alone! Great idea! Except my devil concience will not allow me to do so. I am a Judo Master and I refuse to let this little imp get the best of me! My reckless, devil side nods vigoriously and gives me a big thumbs up with a wink while my smart, angel side is reaching out with tears in his eyes to not go through with this possibly life threatening idea. I really wish I had listened to him to because the next thing I knew after siding with my devil side is me with my face flat on the ground and my body twitching irritatibly. Two seconds past before my mind suddenly starts to get this demon background with the flames and all that. I get up, slightly slumping from one side to the next until I can stand properly. I look behind me and see this really hot chick standing there in this super hot position. It took all my will not to get a nose bleed right then and there. The girl seemed to notice my obvious attraction to her body because she shifted her legs to expose more of her smooth, pale skin. I am so aroused by this scene, but it only gets better. She is walking over here. Oh my god what do I do? I can't move. Stupid legs, stop trembling! It's just a girl! You've seen plenty of them, and seen even more of their skin than hers so snap out of it! Oh god are those D-Cups? Damn! She's in front of me now. She's extending her arms and wrapping them around my shoulders bringing her body closer to mine. She smiles prettily before lowering her arms and pressing me against her chest. Oh god this feels heavenly, and she smells so damn good! She tiptoes a bit and leans in towards my ear and says something. I can't hear her. I look at her confused. Then to my utmost shock, her form changes. It starts to fatten up and the pretty face turns wrinkly and old. Those once delicious looking lips have turned so crusty it reminded me of the Sahara Desert. I look down and see some old, saggy breasts. My eyes are burning from the sight. I gulp and look at her skin and it's just skin and bones with no eroticism in them at all! I get myself away from her at once. I back up slowly at first before turning around and running straight into this really dark hole. At that moment I really didn't care where I was, I just wanted to get away from that monstrosity! I run and run until I can't run any further. As I still to catch my breath, I look around at my surroundings. Where is the way out? Out of the corner of my eye, I see a light. I have been told many times from all those times I've ever been in a concussion that you never, ever! Go toward the light. But me in my delusional state, did just that. I went to the light and you know what? Now I know why all my teachers and friends who have said they have gone to the light and never want to go back. I am there and what am I wearing? I'm wearing a goddamn Alice in Wonderland dress! A complete set with nothing left out. I even have those old female pumpkin panties they wore! Gahh so itchy! I should find a way out. How did I get here again? Grr.. I can't remember! Why am I suddenly here anyways? Wait. I get it! This is a dream! A really warped up dream! Actually no I'm gonna call it a nightmare because of that old hag from before. I should probably go along with these weird events. Don't you dare thing I'll give in to you, you stupid mind of mine! How did Alice in Wonderland go again? Hm.. She was in a garden. *Poof* Eh? What was that? I look around and see that I am in a garden. Well that's funny.. I swore I was in the light.. Oh well.. Anyways, Alice followed this bunny who wore clothing. *Poof* Again with the "Poof" thingy! Gahh whatever! On with the show! Wait, show? Aghhhhh! Stop it! Just get on with it and you can get out of this crazy dimension! Just follow that dang rabbit and jump down the hole that's suppose to be there. *Poof* If I hear that dang "Poof" noise again.. Just forget it. Find the hole find the hole.. Ah, lucky me! A sign! It says, "To find the hole, go up the hutt and around the corner. Hutt? Why did they put two "t's"? Oh well.. Let's see if I follow this route it should take me.. Here! And look! There it is! Right under... Erm.. Yeah I'm not going in there. You people can go in there if you'd like but I'm not about to go into something like that. Hm.. Yeah I'm gonna go back to the sign.. Maybe I took a wrong turn. Yeah, that has to be it, otherwise I'm the Mad Hatter! .Ha. Not funny.. Okay I'm at the sign and I found out that the bottom of the letter h in "hutt" was covered by mud. I scrape it off and now it reads, "To find the hole, go up the butt and around the corner. That's just gross... You know what? The hole is not in there! The hole is right next to me! *Poof* That "Poof" sound will be the end to me and-... Hey what's this little indent in the floor? Kinda reminds me of those things you see on the ground in Animal Crossing.. If I recall correctly.. These have either fossils under them or- I touch the patch of ground and the ground beneath me crumbles down and I am thrown into a pit of darkness -a pitfall seed.. Gahh.. Curse my luck.. So right now I'm freefalling in a pit of darkness. Okay, might as well have fun if I am. I suck in as much air as I can and yell out loud like Tarzan when he flys through the trees. I'm having quite fun right now, my fun gets interrupted very soon though because suddenly there is a gravity pull release and I'm just floating about.. In a strange, pit of darkness.. All alone, with no one to share this tea that just randomly appeared before me.. Oh! Earl Grey tea! My favorite! THAT'S NOT THE POINT! I ubruptly stand up which causes the chair to fall and overthrow the table and tea like the manga characters do it. I am heaving angrily now. And when did this baby bonnet get on my head? I throw it down. Wait. Calm down. You are a Judo Master. You will not let these inanimate objects overcome you. Just close you eyes and think calmly. You are falling down a pitfall hole. Wait, hole? That's just like Alice did and if I remember correctly I am going to land right about no- OWWWW! What the-? Who put that floor there? I stand up and see a bunch of funny looking animals in front of me. Funny because they are all wearing clothes. I cough and fix my hair and smooth down the wrinkles on my dress. My dress? Why did I think that And why did I just do that extremely girly action? As I think this through, I get angrier and angrier. I snap out of thinking mode and glare at the animals who cringe when I laid eyes on them. I point to them and command them to get me some scissors, needle, and thread. When they get me the items I want I strip. Apparently some of those animals were female because they squealed and turned away embarrassed while the males turned away because they weren't interested in my 8-pack perfectly tanned body. How rude. But back to what I was doing. I'm glad that I took that sewing class to appeal to the girls. I turned that overly frilly dress into an overly frilly suit. Like the ones Princes wear. As for the headband on my head, it had a bow so I simply cut it off the band and stuck it on the suit to make it look pretty. I was pretty proud of myself until I realized I was once again, alone. A chill passes by me as I pose there with no one to pose for. Alas, my journey of companions have wilted away from my beauty.. Wait, am I acknowledging these little animals as my friends? No! I refuse to succumb to this delirious fantasy world! Gahh.. At times like these, you need to have a nice cold glass of milk! My hand suddenly feels heavier. I look down and guess what? I have a glass of milk! Ha! I love this world! I gulp the milk down eagerly before my world enlarges by a ghastly amount. Oh God! Just let this dream end already! I weep for a few minutes before making a decision that would stay firm in this world. I will not move from this spot until I get out of this fantasy! Oh look, my world has become dark again.. I don't think I like how this is going. According to routine, I will see a light. Oh, there it is. According to routine, I will go to the light and again, yes I am. According to routine, I will be dress in clothes not of my time in life. I look down and what do you know? I'm dressed in samurai clothing. Well that's a first. I've always wanted to do this though. I grip the hilt of my blade tightly before whipping it out for the world to see, er.. tried to.. The sword is heavy and it slips out of my grasp midway. My face flusters when I hear a loud roar of laughter from my side. I turn and see an out-of-worldly handsome dude. He was so pretty even I would go homo for him. Raven black hair, gleaming emerald eyes, piercings, pinky ring, cross choker, well-defined abs, slim structure, and overall.. He. Was. Hot. I felt like one of those fangirls who see a super hot anime guy and go crazy over him. This guy however, oh god. I have to look away. Do not fall for his super tempting looks. I glance at him one more time and my vision is , he was hot. However, that does not mean I would like to see him going at it with _another_ guy! Worst of all.. he's uke so he's underneath and that means.. really arousing moaning and dirty talk. I stand straight up and charge out of there real fast. But I wonder why I haven't woken up yet. Maybe I was drugged haha.. That's when I heard it. A really loud booming noise echoing throughout the land. I am now trembling on the ground clutching my head in an attempt to stop the ringing. The world around me dims and a warm light encases me. I look up and feel something tugging at me. I close my eyes in relief and let myself slip into it.

"LUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU—CAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA—AAAAAASSSSSSSSSSSSSS!"

I scream and fall off of my bed. I look over and see a very, very mad girlfriend staring at me. I look to my left and see my alarm bleeping 4:00pm. I look back at her with a scared face.

"Lucas. Did you not remember that you promised to meet me at the mall for our _**date**_ like, oh I don't know.. FIVE HOURS AGO? Geez, I was worried sick so I finally got back here from that huge traffic incident on the highway and what do I find? You're sleeping like a _baby_!"

I cringe and put on my best "I'm sorry, please pity me" face. My girlfriend sighs and simply whacks me on the head.

"You better not do that again! Jerk.."

I smile and rush after her and give her a biiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiig bear hug. She struggles a bit before giving in and sighing softly. She turns around and hugs me back for awhile until we release our grasp on each other.

"I'll treat you to a really fancy dinner so no hard feelings, kay'?" My girlfriend nods. I go to get ready and think over my dream. Actually, I'll just forget it. Worst memory I'll ever have.


End file.
